February 28th, 2010 → 12:21 am @ admin // 4 Comments
He tends to get depressed on and off, but this is much worse then normal. His life has just been absolutely horrible lately- his grandmother and cat both died, he’s had trouble at work, trouble with money.. you name it, its happened. The thing is, he’s usually very resilient, and he isn’t bouncing back this time. Since everything went wrong, he just sits around, smokes pot (which isn’t unusual) and plays video games when he isn’t at work. He’s been skipping out on some hours at work, too. He won’t smile, and barely shows any emotion at all. His sex drive has completely dissapeared He’s usually very active, but I can’t even get him to go outside. He won’t talk to me about it (apparently he can’t put it into words), and without health insurance, he can’t afford medication or therapy. (we’re in a rural area.. any free clinic is too far away).
What can I do or say to help him? Will this pass on its own, the way it usually does? Any advice?
barbaral
6 months ago
Ok, I have been where your guy has been. Different circumstances, different background, but the moment you said “usually very resilient” I perked up.
The thing is, seven years ago I lost a man to suicide, a man who fought depression for 56 years and finally lost. I know your mindset. But I have also been there myself after losing this gentleman. With him I lost a future we had been planning indetail for some time. I had a few more deep losses after losing him, and the last one, 1 1/2 years ago, was too much.
That is when I lost my resillience. It is verrrry easy to sit around and smoke pot and watch tv or sit in Yahoo Q/A or in bed with a book. People die. He needs to deal with that. So do pets. That should not be all that devastating for a young man. Death happens. It is the natural cycle of life. It even says so in the Lion King!
You do not say for how long this has been going on. You do not mention kids.
This sounds heartless but here goes. Last year I was in India. Although I was in a beautiful clean area, it was still very very crowded. I saw things I never thought I would see that touched me and will not go away. Your guy needs to see some real problems. A few hours in central Bangalore and he would be very happy to be back home. I love Bangalore, but there are children on the streets to make you weep.
I know his problems are big to him, They are ver valid and big to him; they are HIS challenges to get past. I am not trying to denigrate that. But he needs to stop wallowing in self pity and get his *** in gear. I hate to sound harsh, but he ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Life does not play fair and sometimes it is downright frickin’ harsh. Other times, we get some nice breaks.
Perhaps with the coming of spring and summer his spirits will lighten up. Maybe he has a touch of SAD from the long winters. That is also a problem many have. Once barbeques or picnics start again….
I think this session might pass on its own. The warning signs of escalation to self destruction impulses are what to keep your eye open for. That is when you don’t care about the cost or the distance… but I really think if he is that ill, you make the trip to a clinic. His health is not worth gambling with. Surely there is a doctor around somewhere.
Be loving and supportive of him. Don’t take any BS from him, but do what you can. Keep your eye open. Don’t force or urge sex on him.. just turn up the volume in your sleepwear and leave him alone. Just be his friend. He will become your lover again once he is feeling better.
There has to be somewhere you can call for help. The problem then is getting him to cooperate. Half the problem is admitting there is a problem. It is best to try every possible thing before resorting to medication. That should be the last possible resort but Doctors try to medicate us at every turn.
ihartgre
6 months ago
You need to have him get help. If he won’t get help, then have help come to him right away.
Tigger
6 months ago
He needs more help than you can give him, Honey. In fact, he properly needs to be checked into a facility where an aggressive approach can be taken to his problems. There are sources of medical aid that he can make use of.
Let him know that he can talk to you when he’s ready to. But meanwhile, don’t let him drag you down too. He has to make up his mind to help himself before anything can be done for him.
Anonymous
6 months ago
well first i would think that you would take him to a doc. But get him outside after work and do something get active, you live in a rural area you probably have a yard he can work in get him to accomplish something that has physical energy to it. Remind hm that everything happens for a reason. Get him to do this for every bad or sad thought he thinks of he must thinink right away of three good ones can be as simple as the sun is shining, get him to look at other peoples lives that are worse than his situation, showning him that it could be worse. But dont subject him to, to much negativity. What about getting a little kitten or dog some kind of animal. Get him some sunshine vitamin i think that is vitamin D there is also over the counter medication for depression. I think most important is get him moving any type of physical energy. good luck