Has Your Cat Ever Tried To Murder You?

February 22nd, 2010 → 6:22 am @ // 14 Comments

My boy cat has the charming habit of trying to race between my ankles as I’m walking down the stairs. Or if I’m rushing across the slippery hardwood to grab a ringing phone, he’ll try to weave in between my feet and cut me off. Last week, I ended up flat on my back with a giant resounding “WHUMP” as I hit the floor. (‘Twas only because I was serendipitously wearing a pony tail that I didn’t crack my skull open).
I love him still, but I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have him named as the primary beneficiary on the life insurance policy he asked me to take out.


Tags: , , ,

14 Comments → “Has Your Cat Ever Tried To Murder You?”


  1. Angie C

    1 year ago

    I learned to be very in tune with the sound of my cats following me down the stairs. As soon as I heard them, I’d stop and let them pass. They aren’t getting my life insurance money…I’m getting theirs!! haha And age has nothing to do with it. My 13 year old cat was the worst. She tried to kill me no less than once a month on the stairs. I recently moved and have no stairs. Now I have wood and tile. They still trip me up but not like they did on those stairs.


  2. jen

    1 year ago

    When my cats do that I alway give them a swift kick in the pants and now they have stopped it.


  3. janeannp

    1 year ago

    I am very sure that my cat would love to kill my husband. He complains about her all the time. At night I’ll catch her sitting on his pillow staring at him from about 6 inches away, like she’s trying to steal his breath. It’s even more amusing because she is Siamese and has crossed eyes and these fangs that hang out of her mouth.


  4. RuneAmok

    1 year ago

    And they said the people in pets have no sense of humor! LOL
    I personally am in no real danger. But you – girl, you better run! Wait. DON’T run. Walk, slowly and cautiously, to the front door, ostensibly to get the mail. But once that door closes behind you, run! The hounds of hell ARE after you.
    Don’t bother taking anything with you; that’ll only tip them off that you’re about to flee. You can return later with police protection.


  5. Tira A

    1 year ago

    ROTFLMAO…………….
    Too funny.
    Yup you are definately being given an “OMEN”…HAHAHA!
    HAPPY HALLOWEEN!


  6. Blue

    1 year ago

    very funny!


  7. Leslie L

    1 year ago

    The actions you describe are child’s play. When you wake up with the cat’s tush in your face, that’s when you should start worrying.


  8. ajmommy0

    1 year ago

    Oh be careful! I don’t have cats any more due to allergies but I do have a Great Dane that beats me up constantly. She steps on me feet, pushes me over as she walks past, and doesn’t share the bed.


  9. killz ppl

    1 year ago

    yeah with a knife he was chuckin them at me and everything


  10. Anonymous

    1 year ago

    How old is he? Is he a kitten or very young cat. If so, he’s obviously just playing with you and doesn’t understand how dangerous it is. You should ask your vet or a cat behaviorist how to deal with it.


  11. oh_jo123

    1 year ago

    well if cats ared starting to be beneficiaries on life insurance policies oh what is the world comming to LOL


  12. Anonymous

    1 year ago

    no, but i think my Mindy thinks I am trying to kill her. I’ve stepped on her more than my other cats and opened doors on her a few times.


  13. Ross M

    1 year ago

    If you feel like jumping of the top of your house with a rope around your neck saying “Look at me kitty, It’s all for you”… then you might need to call Gregory Peck…. wait what… he is?… they got to him first… looks like your just doomed…
    Don’t water any hanging plants next to balconies. and avoid trucks carrying sheets of glass. and churches struck by lightening. then you should be fine.


  14. toma

    1 year ago

    He is playing. Get him a friend or some really good toys.


Leave a Reply